Wednesday, February 23, 2011

The Lost Days

One of my originally intended themes for this blog was to explore old journal/diary entries (thus the name of the blog). I'm thinking I might return to this every so often as I find opportunity. Having just finished Paper Towns and demanding that my husband also read it (he did!), led to a few discussion topics for us, which is something I love about reading the same book back-to-back with him.

The story in Paper Towns takes place during the final months of high school. My husband asked me if I cried during my last day of high school, which he said, "seems like something you might do," because I'm apparently sentimental like that.

Well, first of all, I am not a big crier. And I know for a fact there was a stretch of about 3 years or so as a teenager where I didn't cry at all. Seems unlikely, I know, but I remember this. I'm sure there's something to explore with a therapist there, but my point being, I didn't think it likely that I cried. I figured why not check in my stack of journals and see what I wrote on the last day of high school? Then I can confirm whether I was a sentimental sack of sad or a coolly confident college-bound girl.

I looked at the date ranges of each journal (which I helpfully list on the inside cover), but the book that should have had the last day of high school stopped on Feb. 14 of that year. The rest of the book was blank, and the next journal's start date wasn't until the fall during college.


From ages 11 through my mid-twenties I kept a fairly consistent journal. I can't believe I chose to take a break during such a pivotal time. Did I take a break from journaling because I was so busy and didn't have time? I have to say, I was pretty shocked to find I had not documented those final days. Maybe it was my attempt at proving I was not sentimental by refusing to dish elaborately about the ending of my youth. Like the not crying thing, it kind of sounds like something I would do.

Who knows.

I do though, have a memory of leaving high school, thankfully, because music and events are so memorably linked for me. I rode out on my last day in my friend Heather's car, and we heard U2's "With or Without You" on the radio. They were one of my favorite bands at the time, and this classic felt so fitting for the moment. I don't remember feeling sad, but perhaps I was sentimental. If only I had chosen to write it down at the time, then I would know for sure.

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