Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Happy Halloween From Nilbog

In honor of the holiday, let's take a look at a scary movie that gripped the nation twenty years ago. Well, it's not so much scary as totally ridiculous, and by gripped the nation I mean it was virtually ignored until it recently became a cult classic. I present:

Troll 2!

Troll 2 is technically not a sequel of the first Troll movie. Also, no actual trolls are in the film. But, there are goblins!

The movie follows an All-American family who for vacation, trades homes with another family. Apparently, lots of people do this, like Cameron Diaz and Kate Winslet in The Holiday. But the town of Nilbog is no vacation paradise. If only they'd deciphered the hidden clue in the town's name, they could have spared themselves! So, the family arrives to a creepily vacant town where half a dozen town folk stare at them or offer them food with green frosting. In the home they swap, a feast of green and green-frosted food awaits. Wait a second, something is not quite right about this green food...

Only Joshua seems to know something's up. Aided by the ghost of his grandpa, Joshua screams over and over for his family not to trust the townsfolk and not to eat anything green. They respond with things like, "Now Joshua, what do mean don't eat this, Joshua?" It is literally impossible to forget this kid's name because it is said every time someone talks to him. Joshua also frequently calls out for help from "Grandpa? Grandpa Seth!" As for Joshua's sister Holly, she should probably win something for worst actress of all time. You only need to see the beginning of the movie where she's pumping iron in her bedroom to grasp this. There's a truly awful dance scene too, but you have to make it pretty far in the movie to see it.

Add in a side plot about some teen boys chasing down Holly and getting captured and turned into trees, and you've got quite a thriller! Then there's this lady, who's not overacting at all:

What's brought this 1990 stinker of a movie to the mainstream was a documentary from a few years ago called Best Worst Movie, all about what some critics think is the worst movie ever made, but how fans of bad movies have come to love it. I wish I could tell you how great the documentary is, but I haven't seen it. See, a few weeks ago, I watched Troll 2 at a friend's house with the intention of following it up with Best Worst Movie. Only Netflix removed it from their instant streaming. 

Ok, so you're probably thinking, just rent the disc from Netflix, right? I would like to stress that I WATCHED ALL OF TROLL 2. THE WHOLE THING. You guys, it's really really bad. I mean, look at that lady watering the plant. She's the scary part. There's a scene where the town holds a party for the family, offering them green-frosted snacks, and the townies circle around them in a clapping hoe-down for like five straight minutes while Joshua screams for Grandpa Seth. My friends took a smoke break, came back inside and it was STILL HAPPENING. 

For the truly brave, I dare you... click on the YouTube link for the Troll 2 movie trailer. You will be frightened.
Happy Halloween!


  1. Oh. My. Lord. This is amazing. There ARE NO TROLLS?! You are either brave or exceedingly silly to have watched the whole thing, but either way I salute you!!! Just the pictures have made my day :)

  2. The original Troll movie was quite horrible as well--pulsating pod people and all. But I admit to watching it like 10 times when I was a teen, and reveling in its awfulness. We often watched it with BArry Gordon's Last Dragon. Enough said.

  3. No seriously. Those goblins are pretty creepy. But how do you call yourself Troll 2, NOT be related to the original, and not have trolls? do I NOT have an agent for my MS when stuff like this gets a FILM? ;)

    Great post, Steph - Happy Halloween!

  4. Hahahaha those trolls look terrifying! Now that's my kind of scary movie, it looks hilarious!

  5. I've never seen the first or second, but the first scared the crap out of my husband when he was younger. Was he rightfully scared? Or just a wimp? I may have to check this one out ;-)


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