Saturday, February 11, 2012

The Phantom Menace Drinking Game

Gentle Readers:

I have personally cultivated this list from the vast chasm of internetdom. For those of you suckers bold enough to fork over top theatre dollar to see the worst film in the Star Wars cannon (in3D!), this one's for you.

(Although it may be more appropriate to keep this game for home viewing)

1. Take a shot: Whenever Anakin's future is foreshadowed 
2. Take a shot: Whenever you see a hologram
3. Take 2 shots: When the Jedi Council is shown
 4. Chug: Whenever anyone says "I have a bad feeling about this"
 5. Take a shot: Whenever Jar Jar says "meesa"
 6. Chug: When a battle droids proves more efficient than a Stormtrooper
 7. Take a shot: Every time a battle droid says "Roger Roger"
 8. Take a shot: Whenever someone crashes during the Pod Race
 9. Take a shot: When Anakin is called "Ani"
10. Drink up some water when you see the credits. Take care of yourself before you get a hangover tomorrow. 


  1. Argh - I know! I hates it. I've only ever seen it once (including the other two aswell) in hope that my wounds can heal. The final one released (number 3), I was actually shouting at the screen in disbelief at the terrrrrrribleness. I was horrified at the "noooooooooo" cry from the newly born darth. *shudders*

  2. Can I chug the beer without watching the film? Less painful.

  3. I love the Star Wars movies, and to be fair, parts of Phantom Menace aren't bad. But there's so much lost potential. If Jar Jar didn't have the stupid voice and only spoke one line, and was a really good fighter, that would improve the film a lot. It wasn't in need of THAT much comic relief, especially considering he wasn't funny.

  4. Ooh, the WORST of all the films? Hmmm, I'm not sure. I have to admit, I think I prefer TPM to AOTC. Allow me to use your personal blog to compare the two. (Sorry, Steph, but with Livejournal gone, where else can I rant about SW??)

    Why The Phantom Menace may be better than Attack of the Clones:

    1) Lightsaber used as welding torch to cut through blast doors - the most creative use of a lightsaber in the entire series.

    2) Whiny child Anakin not as bad as whiny teenage Anakin. I can forgive the kid for being a bad actor. Not so much the teenager.

    3) Every scene with Darth Maul is better than every scene with Count Dooku in AOTC.

    4) Giant fish and other marine creatures. It's the only time we get a glimpse of the underwater realms of the Star Wars universe. I would watch an entire nature documentary filmed in the oceans of Naboo.

    5) No younglings. I know, I know, they're so cute, right? I think because they're supposed to be cute (at least, John Williams seems to think so), I find them obnoxious.

    6) Terence Stamp. That's right, General Zod was in it.

    7) As bad as Jar Jar is, at least he's treated as a joke in TPM. In the next two movies, he's taken seriously - even holding political office!

    8) Qui Gonn. The Alec Guinness of the prequels, he brings class to an otherwise inept acting crew.

    9) No romance! The romance between Amidala and Anakin in AOTC is unbelievable and atrocious. How a peace-loving diplomat could fall in love with a man who admittedly slaughtered the "women and children" of an entire tribe of sandpeople baffles me. Oh, but it's so cute the way he rides a Naboo cow and talks about sand!

    10) R2D2 doesn't fly in TPM. That's all I really want to say about that.

    Oh wait, your original point was to get drunk while watching TPM? Yeah, I'm down with that.
    Good post :-)

  5. Paul: Interesting points. If Phantom Menace beats Attack of the Clones for worst of the franchise, it's not by much. Liam Neeson in anything is defnitely a plus (even in Clash of the Titans), and Anakin's aunt turned out a decent performance. George Lucas must've been out sick those days.

    Jar Jar holding political office would not be so absurd if he didn't have that accent and said all the hammy lines. So I still blame Phantom Menace for that. Although one of the worst lines in the whole series (IMO) is from AotC when one of the officials at the collesium-looking event (where Amidala, Anakin and Obi Wan are trying to survive from those beasts) this guy says "Shoot them! Or something." Really - OR SOMETHING. That's what you got up your literary sleeves.

    Also bad in AotC: Amidala's conveniently torn half-shirt; when she falls out of the sky cruiser thing onto the sand and immediately gets up running again.

    OK, maybe you have a point. The pod racing kind of saves Phantom Menace, and a bad kid actor is more easily forgiveable. But Hayden isn't bad in other films he's in. I really blame directing and a bad script. And whoever George Lucas' "yes men" are who don't stand up to terrible dialogue and bad directing.

  6. Attack of the Clones has that terrible "chomper" scene where Anakin and Padme have to navigate a conveyor belt full of flame bursts and giant metal chompers a la every Super Nintendo game ever. I actually laughed out loud because I remembered the similar scene from Galaxy Quest where they made fun of sci-fi movies for including such utterly pointless scenes. George can't resist a good movie cliche!

    "Shoot them... or something" - yes! I totally agree. I think the Neimodians (or whatever) were a HORRIBLE race of characters, Asian language stereotypes aside. They're too incompetent to be taken as a serious threat. I suppose you have to blame Phantom for introducing them, too. It's sort of a nice pay-off when Anakin dispatches them in RotS.

    I suppose by debating which is the worst, we're conceding that RotS is 4th best in the overall series?

  7. In that chomper scene, which I doesn't bother me so much, Anakin says, "Obi Wan's gonna KILL me!" which IS really really stupid.

    Revenge of the Sith is not so bad, with exception of Vader losing most of his credibility when he learns Padme died ("Noooooo!"). I'll agree it's #4; I"m kind of interchangable w/ top 3; Empire is my favorite, but it's close for New Hope and Jedi for me at #2 & #3/ but I'd probably put New Hope at #2.

  8. LMAO! Yes--I love Episodes IV-VI, and will probably see those when they're re-released, but I refuse to subject myself to young Anakin and JarJar in 3-D. That sounds like something outlawed by the Geneva Convention.


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